The best way to look at failure is through The subtle art of f*cking up
I heard this really intriguing story a while ago.
A young man wanted to make a lot of money. So he went out of his way to meet this guru, that he believed might help him. He told the old man:
“I want to be at the same level you are!”
The guru replied:
“Meet me tomorrow at 4 AM on the beach.”
The young man said he doesn’t want to go to the beach, he wants to make money. The guru insisted that if he wants to succeed he needs to be there.
Next morning at 4 AM the young man shows up on the beach in a nice suit. The old man grabs his hands and asks him:
“How bad do you want to be successful?”
The young man replied:
“Really bad!”
So the guru grabs the young man’s hand and drags him into the water until they reach waist deep. Now the young man is thinking that the guru is crazy, he came here to learn how to be successful not learn how to swim. Then the old man takes him even further into the water until they reached neck deep into the water. The young guy is already trying to get back to the shore. At this moment the guru ask again:
“I thought you wanted to be successful?”
“I do!” The young man replied.
At this moment the old man pushes the head of his student under the water. Held him down. The young man struggled and just before he was about to pass out, the guru raised his head back up. While the young man confused was trying to regain back his balance the old man asked:
“What did you wanted to do the most while under water?”
“I wanted to breathe”, the other one replied.
Then the guru concluded:
When you want to succeed as bad as you want to breathe, that’s when you will be successful!
Now most of us want to be successful but we don’t want it bad. We just kinda want it.
How we define success is different for all us: business, love, friendship, career, craftsmanship. Most of us believe that we are in our own TV series with us as the main character. We hope that eventually things will settle in the way they should. We feel entitled to our goals, but then we delay on acting upon them.
This is why I love the “subtle art of fucking up”. It stands for going out there and making mistakes. Break things fast, improve even faster. If you are going to live in a glass box all your life being hypnotized by the comfort of your surroundings , being afraid to fail because you put too much pressure on yourself, you will live an empty existence. Procrastinating with the instructions manual in front of yourself saying: “I’m learning so much!” but never actually pressing “PLAY”.
There will be a moment when you will need to be the best in version of yourself and people will count on you. If the price to achieve that means getting back up 100 times after making a mess, it's a price worth paying.
In his book “Antifragile”, Nassim Taleb talks about how to become the best version of yourself. The concept revolves around putting yourself in situations where you allow yourself to be fragile. If you study the process of how diamonds are made it’s the same concept. Some rocks are blasted under high pressure and get transformed in the composition that we put such a high price on in fancy shops.
I have a friend who graduated from a top tier university in Europe. He has a high entrepreneurial spirit and drive to create things. One day he told me: “I want to build a business, but I cannot afford to invest 3 years in something that might never sum up to anything. I really want to, but there is too much unknown. I will aim for that corporate VP position instead.”
And that’s where most of us are stuck. In the “want”. But to experience life at it’s fullest in either love, relationships, business, health we have to take some chances, risk breaking things and fucking up as much as possible. This way we will come out at the other end as a better version of ourselves.
Being alive means ups and downs. It looks something like this:
Not like this:
“The cave you fear to enter holds the treasure that you seek” Joseph Campbell
Go out there and live your emotions. Face your fears. Detach yourself from the outcome but enjoy the process. Only by screwing things up a little bit today, will you improve tomorrow.
Another great example is the Heroes Quest. This is a process on which most movies and books are based upon. The hero needs to go through a series of trials and mishaps that in the end improves himself and the world around him. Then he starts the process all over again into a more difficult journey.
People have an justification for why you can’t achieve something:
- It’s uncomfortable
- I’m scared
- I love my bed
- I don’t know how
- I don’t know the right people
- I will never meet the one
- I don’t have the resources
Don’t allow yourself to never escape the ordinary world. Be your own hero. The subtle art of fucking up means taking all your excuses and doubts of today and figuring them out while on your journey. This way you will have hands-on experience on how to deal with challenges. You might break, you might fail, but you will always learn and come back stronger. You will become antifragile.
We can’t predict the future, but we can predict fragility. By taking steps and acting upon your doubts you will get closer to becoming less affected by external events and you will become more internally grounded.
Being afraid of screwing things over is a normal reaction. And that’s just it, something normal.
Bikes with training wheels are stable. But you will not break speed records with them. For that you need to lose the support wheels and start pedaling because if not you will fall over.
“If you are willing to put up with a degree of uncertainty, then you can go fast and far.”
The subtle art of fucking up releases you from your own prison. You will transition from I “want this” to “I’m figuring out my way towards this”.
“Freedom is what we do with what is done to us.” Jean-Paul Sartre
Learn. Break. Improve. Repeat.
Fuck up until it becomes art.
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